image source: inspirefusion.com
Do not mistake me for a killer or a psycho on the loose for shadows from the past, are fast beckoning, and they are neither my victims nor my captives.
I can feel their presence everywhere I go; and at night is when they torment me the most with their echoing bellows…… , I once asked my neighbors if they have ever heard their endless screams and whisperings but they dismissed me every time and my insistence over time earned me the name “the nutty neighbor” but I always understood them for their eyes were not yet open for if they knew what I only see then they would have noticed the shadow that sneaked into their own home and it is one that screams the loudest.
Do not let my words scare you … for am just an instrument designed to warn you and awaken your inner and far sight so that your body, mind, and soul can find inner peace in these troubling and very confusing times….; so without further ado let me let you in on my secret, I first started seeing my shadows when I first realized that not all is at it is and all as it is not all I thought it was “confusing words right there” I have never really quite understood them but at least I managed to write them down and maybe you, will be able to decipher a meaning in them.
These shadows are neither demons nor are they fallen angels’ but are to be feared and revered as they are made up of the mind and it’s un-fathomed power for we are essentially who we create ourselves to be an all that occurs is as a result of our own making.
These shadows consist of mental blocks that stop you from reaching your true potential and they primarily consist of fear, bad past experiences, utter laziness and anything else your mind brings forth to make you debate and stop you from making that life changing decision but there is a remedy that can eradicate these mental barriers that keep us from reaching our true potential and the answer can be found in the simple words of Stephen Richards where he said “when you do what you fear the most then you can do anything, for the worst mistake you can do in this life is to think you’re alive when really you’re asleep in life’s waiting room.”
So this time round don’t let the shadows take what is rightfully yours by taking control of your mind and its unfathomed power of imagination for if you don’t they will surely take what they think is rightfully theirs.
“He who searches for friends without faults will never have a friend”
I want to speak of my dear friend, my one and only friend of whom now I try so hard not to speak of. It was not always like this; back then we seemed inseparable…… we complimented each other in each and every way , Truth be told, no one knows how fellow human beings come to be close friends. Do we choose them or do they choose us? For me I knew where I stood I always believed I am the one who choose on whom to keep close and on whom to keep at arm’s length but the more I remember how it all started back then the more I realize how mistaken I was I dint have many options of friendships it was either her or the Thug or the Broker whom didn’t want his deals followed for fear of loss of business. So I decided to settle for the subtle, little did I know it was a ticking time bomb that couldn’t be diffused.
Due to life lessons I have come to equate friendship to marriage. You never want to settle for subtle for subtle beings are the ones that silence you in the night with a warming kiss. One thing that this experience has taught me is never to settle for less than you deserve; these words have been spoken upon again and again and still no one takes heed. It’s also said that “Whoever ceases to be a friend was never one at all” but in reality friendship does not cease its “Dies” an awful and painful death and should never be resuscitated for it will never be the same as its painful scars that led to its demise will forever haunt you and you will know no peace for you will always be anticipating the worst that’s why I cannot bear to walk the same path that lead to my destruction for after its death my inner being was awakened from slumber and now I see thing s in a new perspective
Its true our friendship did die but it didn’t cease for I can’t erase you in my mind for you are not only responsible for the bad memories in my life but you are also responsible for the best memories I will ever have in my life time …. But for now we shall walk separate paths and my only hope is that our paths shall cross once again in the near future.
Mindful Edward ™
(Another beautiful one from the archives of Mindful; this one from back in 2014 January reminded me of how fun it is to write…. enjoy)
Tribute to Forgotten Hero
The pleasure of writing is ever satisfactory, for me the feeling is always overwhelming as if I have won a long fought war. for every time I finish an article and I sit back overlooking it, I feel as if am standing over a hill overlooking my conquest while in the back of my mind I replay the rush of thoughts “the insane ones mostly” that didn’t make the cut while lightly tapping the table with my pen; I have no idea why I do this and maybe I will never do………., coming back to reality I lightly place my pen back onto its holder and notice its almost running dry a and think to myself what if I didn’t have another to replace it, no doubt my whole world would sadly become meaningless, like a comic book without a hero that’s how my world would be.
In every conquest there is hero who is usually forgotten, their work being the backbone of each success story. These heroes give life, colour and add voice to the voiceless. That’s why today I want to give tribute to such a hero who has shaped the best and worst of my battles, my dear “PEN” you will truly be missed. You voiced my opinions and ideas to the masses and gave my world colour when I needed it the most. As your tip slowly runs dry, even the paper begins to crumble and tear….; for it knows the end of a legacy is near and fast approaching. But for you, deep inside you know it’s just the beginning of an even greater legacy as your work will live forever to be enjoyed by many generations to come. From my end it’s just a sweet and bitter a goodbye for you shall be greatly missed; but forever remembered every time one goes through a good read that you so magnificently crafted to life.
(A Journey Right into the Heart of Imagination)
Image credits: Edel Rodriguez
Today I took a journey, a journey into the silence of my mind. At first it seemed unreal but then again I couldn’t trust my mind for it’s quite deceiving especially to matters relating to what is real and unreal so I let down my guard and trailed the thought train back to its origin, quite an uncomfortable journey…….. Today I saw myself on my death bed….!!.
Harrowing as it may sound, deep inside I know am not the only one who has ever experienced this and I shall not be the last. “It’s called being human as we always find comfort in numbers…,” as I wondered through the citadel of conscious thoughts the more unbearable it became as lost opportunities, foregone friendships, unfulfilled ambitions and relationships I was too scared to have bombarded me. It seemed quite clear that decisions I waited so long to make shaped my entire future, for each decision I kept pending the more my life diverted from its original path. This left me with more questions than answers, “was all my life a lie because of the-what if’s I had created in my life…” No…, that couldn’t be true I wouldn’t accept it but my mind showed me the contrary but then again I couldn’t trust my mind I was in too deep.
With each deep breath I took vague images brought forth emerged clearer. Frankly speaking I was quite disappointed; I always envisioned my death as a quick one never in my imagination was there a moment I would suffer I called it an “Awesome death” quick and straight to the point but from the look of things it seemed I had put on quite a good fight. I appeared frail, but weirdly I was quite happy….; Very unlike me when am down and sickly. My frail self was looking at something at the far end of the room, a portrait to be exact. anxiety overcome my subconscious being as I saw myself holding onto a woman happier than ever and interesting enough there were four other people with us who resembled me in some respects and their and then I knew that that was my family, every man’s dream a legacy that will carry on his name that’s why my frail self was happy. In my present situation I never saw this day coming as my current relations were nothing to be admired. I tried to have a good look at the woman in the portrait but her face was all blurred and I couldn’t make out who she was as fate can’t give you everything something’s have to be earned.
My destination still unknown I still endeavored as my mind began again to drift deeper into its subconscious pushing my way through until there was no more thoughts….. Only silence … my inner being felt peace for the first time there was no worry and no fear at all as everything had come to pass. This was it my final journey, but being the skeptic I am I questioned as to where my white blinding light was as everyone ever documented on this issue talked of a magnificent white light but then again I thought to myself “maybe it’s because am not dead, at least not yet” but that seemed so insignificant as I saw myself happier than life itself gazing into my utopia. As I moved closely towards my final destination my unconscious being began to twist and turn causing ripples into my subconscious being awakening to my present tribulations disappointed but yet excited for I know what I have to do.
Once again I sit at an impasse between me, my pen, and my never ending white sheet of paper and all that rings in my mind is a song. A great song which has been sung through many generations and still stands firm as it were sung yesterday. The song goes on to say “yesterday is gone sweet Jesus and tomorrow may never be mine, so teach me today to take every day one day at a time”
That’s why I believe that one day I shall finish my story and it shall end with a happy ending. It may sound stereotype to you but for me once a great story is cast into the realms of this world, it’s left out to wean itself and take its own course and destiny, the writer is only responsible for breathing life into it on the white sheet of paper but will not be responsible for its final shape as all that will come after is determined by the writers day to day activities.
I don’t know about you but I have always considered writing as the biggest act of deception in deviation and allusion that can only be understood by the Author. People talk of great deeds done by magicians and how they deceive in pure day light, for me the greatest magician is a writer for the eyes are easily deceived, that’s a magician’s catch. But for a writer to deceive one’s mind into his/her unconventional way of thinking it’s the best act off illusion that has been taken for granted for centuries.
You might be reading this and all that is going through your mind is “where is this story heading …, what does he want to say…, what does all this mean” questions that even I cannot answer as the story is slowly shaping itself and am no longer in control of its outcome. But from experience, good writing is achieved by being able to hold onto the truth until the very end for some they find this intriguing, others find it annoying.
Many are times you read through a passage or a story only to realize it was not of help at all but the irony is… you will probably do the same thing over and over again with different passages and the only explanation you could possible come up with is just a “Maybe” of what the writer wanted you to know, but rest assured the writers words will forever play in the back of your mind, influencing your decisions, slowly shaping your new destiny.
There is ever this question in the back of my mind “how is she doing, does she remember I even exist ..; does she remember our great moments ..?” as it has been almost an year now since she left but as it is said time is great healer as it has tested the unthinkable and has paved way for a new frontier that was quite unexpected.
I have never believed in fate, but in a twist of it her departure made me realize how courageous I had become. She came into my life when I needed her the most and just like an angel set from up above, when her work was complete and I was whole again she left mysteriously as she found me. I will forever be grateful to her wherever she might be as she will always have a special place in my heart just like a lost love.
Every day I pray for our paths to cross so as to see how you are doing and to thank you for being a friend when I needed one, as for now I rest easy knowing that one day our paths shall cross yet again in this world or the next one to come. I pray thy Heavenly Father to keep u safe and watch over you until we meet again.
Dirty Children playing in the nearby construction site; oblivious of the danger they expose themselves to …, Monkeys terrorizing people or a local medicine man claiming he can cure any ailment known to man including raising the dead! Or something more dramatic as posing as an endangered culture that is on the brink of extinction after struggling through time to preserve its heritage ….”Something that captivates a Mzungu I what am looking for.”
But then again there are easier ways of making money …”I just need to get myself off the coach and actually look for an actual job,” but then again I have never functioned well under supervision and I also don’t work well under instructions either, that’s why I like being my own boss my time has always been my business and it has been making me money just as the wise Mzungu had said “time is money” something I always live up to fulfill, but of late that has not been the trend and that’s why am looking for a new Act. As u know here in the “A” when one finds his luck and you so happen to make some money and people find out you did, your trade soon spreads like wild fire engulfing every entrepreneur out there and you know too many cooks spoil the broth and soon sales go down and the business becomes obsolete just like the many others I have ventured.
But worry not my dear reader as a plan is underway for I won’t succumb to self-pity for I have discovered the secret to success here in the “A” and it lies in the publicizing the poverty and misery of my fellow beings. As bad as it sounds you have to agree it has worked wonders to many who have dared to venture into the uncharted waters, and just like the vast seas there is a lot of misery out there and all you need to do is pick the one that you fancy take a few photos here and there and sell it to the rest of the world sit down and watch as the money starts to pile up…; you may hate it or love it but for me it’s all about business and a nice and sweet retirement deal for me myself and I.