(A Journey Right into the Heart of Imagination)
Image credits: Edel Rodriguez
Today I took a journey, a journey into the silence of my mind. At first it seemed unreal but then again I couldn’t trust my mind for it’s quite deceiving especially to matters relating to what is real and unreal so I let down my guard and trailed the thought train back to its origin, quite an uncomfortable journey…….. Today I saw myself on my death bed….!!.
Harrowing as it may sound, deep inside I know am not the only one who has ever experienced this and I shall not be the last. “It’s called being human as we always find comfort in numbers…,” as I wondered through the citadel of conscious thoughts the more unbearable it became as lost opportunities, foregone friendships, unfulfilled ambitions and relationships I was too scared to have bombarded me. It seemed quite clear that decisions I waited so long to make shaped my entire future, for each decision I kept pending the more my life diverted from its original path. This left me with more questions than answers, “was all my life a lie because of the-what if’s I had created in my life…” No…, that couldn’t be true I wouldn’t accept it but my mind showed me the contrary but then again I couldn’t trust my mind I was in too deep.
With each deep breath I took vague images brought forth emerged clearer. Frankly speaking I was quite disappointed; I always envisioned my death as a quick one never in my imagination was there a moment I would suffer I called it an “Awesome death” quick and straight to the point but from the look of things it seemed I had put on quite a good fight. I appeared frail, but weirdly I was quite happy….; Very unlike me when am down and sickly. My frail self was looking at something at the far end of the room, a portrait to be exact. anxiety overcome my subconscious being as I saw myself holding onto a woman happier than ever and interesting enough there were four other people with us who resembled me in some respects and their and then I knew that that was my family, every man’s dream a legacy that will carry on his name that’s why my frail self was happy. In my present situation I never saw this day coming as my current relations were nothing to be admired. I tried to have a good look at the woman in the portrait but her face was all blurred and I couldn’t make out who she was as fate can’t give you everything something’s have to be earned.
My destination still unknown I still endeavored as my mind began again to drift deeper into its subconscious pushing my way through until there was no more thoughts….. Only silence … my inner being felt peace for the first time there was no worry and no fear at all as everything had come to pass. This was it my final journey, but being the skeptic I am I questioned as to where my white blinding light was as everyone ever documented on this issue talked of a magnificent white light but then again I thought to myself “maybe it’s because am not dead, at least not yet” but that seemed so insignificant as I saw myself happier than life itself gazing into my utopia. As I moved closely towards my final destination my unconscious being began to twist and turn causing ripples into my subconscious being awakening to my present tribulations disappointed but yet excited for I know what I have to do.
Once again I sit at an impasse between me, my pen, and my never ending white sheet of paper and all that rings in my mind is a song. A great song which has been sung through many generations and still stands firm as it were sung yesterday. The song goes on to say “yesterday is gone sweet Jesus and tomorrow may never be mine, so teach me today to take every day one day at a time”
That’s why I believe that one day I shall finish my story and it shall end with a happy ending. It may sound stereotype to you but for me once a great story is cast into the realms of this world, it’s left out to wean itself and take its own course and destiny, the writer is only responsible for breathing life into it on the white sheet of paper but will not be responsible for its final shape as all that will come after is determined by the writers day to day activities.
I don’t know about you but I have always considered writing as the biggest act of deception in deviation and allusion that can only be understood by the Author. People talk of great deeds done by magicians and how they deceive in pure day light, for me the greatest magician is a writer for the eyes are easily deceived, that’s a magician’s catch. But for a writer to deceive one’s mind into his/her unconventional way of thinking it’s the best act off illusion that has been taken for granted for centuries.
You might be reading this and all that is going through your mind is “where is this story heading …, what does he want to say…, what does all this mean” questions that even I cannot answer as the story is slowly shaping itself and am no longer in control of its outcome. But from experience, good writing is achieved by being able to hold onto the truth until the very end for some they find this intriguing, others find it annoying.
Many are times you read through a passage or a story only to realize it was not of help at all but the irony is… you will probably do the same thing over and over again with different passages and the only explanation you could possible come up with is just a “Maybe” of what the writer wanted you to know, but rest assured the writers words will forever play in the back of your mind, influencing your decisions, slowly shaping your new destiny.
image credits: Deviant Art
It’s quite interesting how our mindset change’s as we grow older and start having the grip of reality that our minds never once believed they existed. When I was young I always wanted to be old so that I could go everywhere I wanted without the consent of anyone and when finally when I did get old I again wanted to be young for now I envied how my parents tirelessly tried to shield me from the cruelty of this world of which now am very familiar with;
A while back I came across a poem of which the author described how our modern society was turning us to be insensitive to the less fortunate and he was pleading to the world and more so to others whom he perceived as heartless to teach him how to be blind so that he couldn’t see his brothers suffering and also to teach him how to be deaf…. so that he couldn’t hear the screams of his battered sister.
In our modern day society there is fear and cruelty everywhere, we talk of being in the 21st century the frontier of modern day technology; we talk of how life has become easier…, for services are just but a click of a button away but truth be told we are now more fearful of our surroundings than when man lived in the jungle; high perimeter walls, high voltage fences and CCTV cameras have become the norm and the scary bit is, they are not there in place to keep away wild animals, they are there to keep away our own kind. Our life expectancy has also dropped drastically while our social relations are almost grinding into a halt thanks to the social media and online dating services which have personally removed the personal touch in everything which leads me to my second conundrum “is life depraved now more than when man lived in the jungle …?”
I don’t know about you but for me it’s a big YES! For when man lived in the jungle the only fundamental fear he had was being preyed upon by other animals, his life expectancy was presumably better and if he had enemies of his own kind the rules of engagement were clearly spelt out unlike today where we judge others by their appearance rather than what they have to offer, it was never like this and I know it’s not also too late to recover what we have lost and all that is needed is just to put humility and humanity first before all our other interests.
There is ever this question in the back of my mind “how is she doing, does she remember I even exist ..; does she remember our great moments ..?” as it has been almost an year now since she left but as it is said time is great healer as it has tested the unthinkable and has paved way for a new frontier that was quite unexpected.
I have never believed in fate, but in a twist of it her departure made me realize how courageous I had become. She came into my life when I needed her the most and just like an angel set from up above, when her work was complete and I was whole again she left mysteriously as she found me. I will forever be grateful to her wherever she might be as she will always have a special place in my heart just like a lost love.
Every day I pray for our paths to cross so as to see how you are doing and to thank you for being a friend when I needed one, as for now I rest easy knowing that one day our paths shall cross yet again in this world or the next one to come. I pray thy Heavenly Father to keep u safe and watch over you until we meet again.
To give up ……; that’s what is in my mind when I look around of what is left of my life. I have tried all remedies to get back up, but there are things I can’t shake down, feelings I can’t let go, demons that can’t be quenched.
I am an empty shell in a whole world and it’s just a matter of time before the weight of the world crushes my empty shell. What gives me comfort is; no one will see all the hurt inside as there is nothing left inside of me.
To give up ……; my pastor says it’s the easy way out and I shouldn’t do it, and my psychiatrist says I have too much hurt inside and I should let it out, and my mother says I have forgotten about God and the world says it doesn’t care to give up is a sweet option like the forbidden fruit of Eden.
The sweet scent of defeat is what is firing up and keeping alive the demons inside of me and they know I know I can’t stop feeding them for I am a dreamer and I can’t live without a dream inside of me.
I choose to fight ……; with every dream I have the more I fight the demons and the hurt inside from taking what’s mine, for I want to feel whole again and the more I fight the more I feel alive. There is power in each and every one of us to conquer the defeat that is inside of us, choose to fight and you will realize how strong and capable you are.
Mindful Edward ™
The future is what will happen in the time after the present, its arrival is considered inevitable due to the existence of time and the laws of physics according to our trusted Wikipedia. And due to the apparent nature of reality and the unavoidability of the future, everything that currently exists can either be said to be as either permanent, or temporary meaning that it will exists forever, or it will end. And that’s the main reason why I will ever subscribe to the idea of having New Year resolutions.
New Year resolutions are promises you make to yourself that you will start doing something good or stop doing something bad; which by me is like trying to predict and anticipate your future.
Resolutions are full of thoughts which are possibilities which most certainly are affected by time and the laws of physics which by reality means you’re never in control of your resolutions which are predictions of the future…; and mid way through the new year instead of these predictions revitalizing you they end up killing your spirit as you start looking back at the forgone possibilities that didn’t come to your expectation.
In order to avoid this drag next year don’t make resolutions you can’t keep, instead just make sure to be good and real to yourself, do something you love to do every single day, treat yourself.., life is too harsh to rush through it and you deserve a break and finally always give yourself a pat on the back when you deserve it and you will have a happier and productive year.
May your Year be the best Year ever…..